It’s been a long three weeks coming to the place of a diagnosis…invasive carcinoma were two words in the description. It sounds a bit ominous to me. Invasive has such an ugly feel to it. Webster’s online dictionary gives it these three definitions: 1: of, relating to, or characterized by military aggression, 2: tending to spread; especially: tending to invade healthy tissue <invasive cancer cells>, 3: tending to infringe. I don’t know about you, but it doesn’t sound like anything I want in my body! Something that infringes or militantly enters into places it’s not invited is not welcome here. All I can think about right now is getting it out! Stop the invasion!Have you ever been in a place like this? Something has entered your life be it disease, divorce, job loss, or whatever it might be for you and you have no control over it. It is invading and spreading into all aspects of your life and being as you stand there helplessly on the sidelines crying out to God to rescue you!
I must say just even a few weeks into this, my eyes have been opened in a big way. I have always had compassion on those with cancer as it has taken several of those I love. I’ve watched them be healthy one day and incapacitated the next. Many times I was there by their side through their sufferings seeing every detail of the ugliness. However, I realize now that even though I thought I understood and knew a lot about cancer, I was clueless. In a few short weeks I have developed utmost respect for those who have walked in these shoes! Whether they won or lost the battle, they are heroes in my eyes. And I haven’t even seen the half of it yet!
I hate the feeling of being at everyone’s mercy. I have a problem and I want to fix it. I have goals and dreams for 2013 and all of this is getting in my way. I don’t really want to wait to get in to see busy doctors nor do I want to wait for test results all day. I have things to do, places to go, people to see…and then I’m reminded…I now have cancer. It’s funny how one phone call can change your life. All of the plans and dreams I had for the next 12 months are stifled–on hold so to speak. I sit here numbly thinking, “God, what are you doing? Do you not know that I have more books and blogs to write, places to speak, houses to sell? I want to travel with my husband and be his helpmate in our house projects. I want to be here to enjoy my children and grandchildren in the years to come. I want to have more parties in my new house. I haven’t even made it to Hawaii yet!” Realistically, in my heart I know that nothing happens in our lives for naught. So I am forced to give up my wants and take a look at this mountain I have to face and I stop. I regroup. Perhaps my plans for 2013 weren’t God’s plans. I want so desperately to enjoy these midlife years I’ve grown to love. Now what? “Lord, can you please show me where I go from here?”
As I wait upon the Lord to guide and direct my next steps, I am reminded that I am His. With that comes the power of the Holy Spirit and wisdom from above. There will be plenty of strength for my journey too as long as I lean on God. I need not be afraid or grow weary. I only need to trust that He will see me through. However there will be days I don’t feel like getting out of bed or you might find me in a fetal position somewhere. I am human. I am discouraged that I once again have a mountain to climb. I am sad that my thoughts of sitting on the beach in the next couple of months are probably out of the question at this point. But nonetheless, I have hope. I don’t know how people get through these things without the strength of God. I don’t know how they face a deadly disease that has proven to have the power to take a good man down and not acknowledge they need God to see them through. Call me a wimp. But without God and His power in my life I am wimpy. One of my friends said the other day, “You are better wimpy with Him than strong without Him!” I say “Amen” to that!
You know that’s true. God doesn’t expect us to move or climb the mountains in our power. He says if we have just the faith of a mustard seed the mountain will be moved. He doesn’t need us to be strong. Rather, He wants us to trust in Him. So for now I am still and ask God, “What now?” Apparently the plans I had were not His. I mentally put my hand into the loving hand of my Father and hang on for the ride down the path He has already cleared for me. I don’t know where we’re going. I may whine and cry along the way. But I know my Father’s way is where I want to be. So I trust. I get angry. I cry a little. Then I get back on the path. Wipe the dust off, take my Father’s hand again and we walk a few more steps. My strength is in Him. What a peace there is with Him in control.
So those things I can’t control on my own…I give to Him. We will make it—me and God. He has never let me down yet. Why would He start now? Are there things you need to give to God? Have you been fretting or depressed over things in your life you can’t control or change even if you tried? Be reminded He cares for you. He wants to be your Knight in Shining Armor, your Deliverer from whatever has taken you off the path today. Please grab onto His hand with me…there’s room enough for us all. Let’s walk together and trust that God is in control so we don’t have to be. One step at a time…one day at a time…we will make it to the other side. God bless you in your struggles that you face today. Whether they are big or small, may God be your Lord over them all! Remember, be blessed and go be a blessing!
Matthew 17:20 So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.
18 thoughts on “It’s Confirmed. I Have Breast Cancer. Now What?”
Our hearts and prayers go out to you. I am amazed at your faith and encouragement to others in your sharing. We will add you to our Prayer Connection list
Your Sister in Christ
Sent from Diane Hendrickson’s iPad
Thanks so much Diane! God is Good. It’s just another bump in the road as they say. I certainly feel the prayers and know that He has His Hand on me. I will add you to my prayer group in Facebook so you will see updates. I appreciate you!
Bless you! You encourage others! Eager to see God work His miracles in your life.
Thank you for your encouraging words! I too am looking forward to what God’s going to do with this. I certainly know I’m not going to have anything to do with it! Praise God it’s all His! Have a blessed week!
Lori: Please read the following passages from the Old Testament:
Psalm 138:7-8(KJV) Isaiah 41:10 Both of these passages spoke to me during as I went through difficult times.
Thank you so much Cecelia! I will look them up and put them on my scripture list that I have started. God has been sending me His word through others and also in my daily reading. It is so comforting to have something from our Lord in writing to say everything’s going to be OK!
Lori, Praying for you. Your strength and faith are truly seen through your words and reading your blog. Thanks for sharing
Thanks, Melissa! I appreciate your kind words and especially your prayers!
Lori, I’m so sorry you have to bear this burden and endure this trial. But I know you lean on Jesus & He will bless your journey. You’re right. He would never do anything in our lives for nothing. He is all good. All my love & prayers to you, dear blogging friend, Melissa Scott
I love this verse!!! 2 Corinthians 9:8 ~ And God is able to make all grace abound toward you that you having all sufficiency in all things may abound to every good work.
Thanks, Melissa! Yes, me and God are going to be just fine! Thanks for the verse too! I’m adding it to my list!
Lori, I don’t think you ever got to meet my son when you were listing my house in Cincy. He was in his 2nd semester at Purdue when he called me from a hospital in Indy..I went and saw him and the doctor said they couldn’t treat him there that he had to go to Cincy Childrens at the age of 19. The waiting is anguishing…been there, done that…5 days later they diagnosed him with stage 4 Hodgikns Lymphoma…I would have traded my life for his. He spent 4+months in the hospital and a lot of out patient visits…it wasn’t pretty but he is now5.5years remission and getting married in May. I prayed alot, waited alot, cried alot…but it is worth it. God has many wonderful doctors in Cincy and I will pray that they see the Light and take care of you.
Now that you mention it, I do remember you telling me about that. That’s great news that he is still doing so well! I hope I can tell about how I was healed soon too!
You are such a blessing and will continue to be throughout this walk. We will be praying for you.
Thanks, Ellie! This too shall pass!
Hang tough Lori. Invasions have been conquered.
I’ve been without internet for a few days so I’m just now seeing this. Lifting you up in prayer sweetie. I have a friend who just went through this last year and she is the spokes person for her hospital for breast cancer. If it’s ok, I’ll send you her email address. She has such wonderful information and a lovely positive attitude just like you. Hugs sweetie.
Thanks, Monica! Sure! May email is firstname.lastname@example.org! Thanks for reading!