Posted on in 2013 Posts

It’s Confirmed. I Have Breast Cancer. Now What?

winding road on mountain
Image courtesy of Evgeni Dinev at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It’s been a long three weeks coming to the place of a diagnosis…invasive carcinoma were two words in the description.  It sounds a bit ominous to me.  Invasive has such an ugly feel to it.  Webster’s online dictionary gives it these three definitions: 1: of, relating to, or characterized by military aggression, 2: tending to spread; especially: tending to invade healthy tissue <invasive cancer cells>, 3: tending to infringe.  I don’t know about you, but it doesn’t sound like anything I want in my body!  Something that infringes or militantly enters into places it’s not invited is not welcome here.  All I can think about right now is getting it out!  Stop the invasion!Have you ever been in a place like this?  Something has entered your life be it disease, divorce, job loss, or whatever it might be for you and you have no control over it.  It is invading and spreading into all aspects of your life and being as you stand there helplessly on the sidelines crying out to God to rescue you!

I must say just even a few weeks into this, my eyes have been opened in a big way.  I have always had compassion on those with cancer as it has taken several of those I love.  I’ve watched them be healthy one day and incapacitated the next. Many times I was there by their side through their sufferings seeing every detail of the ugliness.  However, I realize now that even though I thought I understood and knew a lot about cancer, I was clueless.  In a few short weeks I have developed utmost respect for those who have walked in these shoes!  Whether they won or lost the battle, they are heroes in my eyes.  And I haven’t even seen the half of it yet!

I hate the feeling of being at everyone’s mercy.  I have a problem and I want to fix it.  I have goals and dreams for 2013 and all of this is getting in my way.  I don’t really want to wait to get in to see busy doctors nor do I want to wait for test results all day.  I have things to do, places to go, people to see…and then I’m reminded…I now have cancer.  It’s funny how one phone call can change your life.  All of the plans and dreams I had for the next 12 months are stifled–on hold so to speak.  I sit here numbly thinking, “God, what are you doing?  Do you not know that I have more books and blogs to write, places to speak, houses to sell? I want to travel with my husband and be his helpmate in our house projects.  I want to be here to enjoy my children and grandchildren in the years to come. I want to have more parties in my new house. I haven’t even made it to Hawaii yet!”  Realistically, in my heart I know that nothing happens in our lives for naught.  So I am forced to give up my wants and take a look at this mountain I have to face and I stop.  I regroup.  Perhaps my plans for 2013 weren’t God’s plans. I want so desperately to enjoy these midlife years I’ve grown to love. Now what?  “Lord, can you please show me where I go from here?”

As I wait upon the Lord to guide and direct my next steps, I am reminded that I am His.  With that comes the power of the Holy Spirit and wisdom from above.  There will be plenty of strength for my journey too as long as I lean on God.  I need not be afraid or grow weary.  I only need to trust that He will see me through.  However there will be days I don’t feel like getting out of bed or you might find me in a fetal position somewhere.  I am human.  I am discouraged that I once again have a mountain to climb.  I am sad that my thoughts of sitting on the beach in the next couple of months are probably out of the question at this point.  But nonetheless, I have hope.  I don’t know how people get through these things without the strength of God.  I don’t know how they face a deadly disease that has proven to have the power to take a good man down and not acknowledge they need God to see them through.  Call me a wimp.  But without God and His power in my life I am wimpy.  One of my friends said the other day, “You are better wimpy with Him than strong without Him!”  I say “Amen” to that!

You know that’s true.  God doesn’t expect us to move or climb the mountains in our power.  He says if we have just the faith of a mustard seed the mountain will be moved.  He doesn’t need us to be strong.  Rather, He wants us to trust in Him.  So for now I am still and ask God, “What now?”  Apparently the plans I had were not His.  I mentally put my hand into the loving hand of my Father and hang on for the ride down the path He has already cleared for me.  I don’t know where we’re going.  I may whine and cry along the way.  But I know my Father’s way is where I want to be.  So I trust.  I get angry. I cry a little.  Then I get back on the path.  Wipe the dust off, take my Father’s hand again and we walk a few more steps.  My strength is in Him.  What a peace there is with Him in control.

So those things I can’t control on my own…I give to Him.  We will make it—me and God.  He has never let me down yet.  Why would He start now?  Are there things you need to give to God?  Have you been fretting or depressed over things in your life you can’t control or change even if you tried?  Be reminded He cares for you.  He wants to be your Knight in Shining Armor, your Deliverer from whatever has taken you off the path today.  Please grab onto His hand with me…there’s room enough for us all.  Let’s walk together and trust that God is in control so we don’t have to be.  One step at a time…one day at a time…we will make it to the other side.  God bless you in your struggles that you face today.  Whether they are big or small, may God be your Lord over them all!  Remember, be blessed and go be a blessing!

Matthew 17:20  So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.

Posted on in 2013 Posts

2013 Roars In Like a Lion!

2013I am not the only one who has been hanging onto their hat since 2013 rounded the corner!  It seems like there is so much unrest with everyone.  Some might be worried about jobs or finances, what the fiscal cliff means to them and other political matters, gun control or no gun control, while others are struggling with health issues, relationship problems, etc.  I know this because I am the one that stands in the line at the supermarket while everyone around me including the cashier tells me about their problems.  I don’t know why it is but people just feel safe telling me stuff!

If you know me at all, you know that I am typically not a worrier and most always upbeat even when things are not perfect.  However, since I got the flu before Christmas, I am really struggling to get back on top of things.  The flu has been gone a long time now but its residual effects linger.  I don’t have a lot of energy and just yesterday had to start another round of antibiotics to try to get rid of the crud accumulating in my lungs.  Jim got sick this week too so between the two of us we are one lethargic couple!  Then today I found out that I might have breast cancer and am going to have a biopsy on Wednesday.  About an hour after receiving that news another doctor’s office called and said my cholesterol is sky high and I need to get on meds immediately as well as a low cholesterol diet!  I told him I would get right on that.  So that’s been my week, how has yours been?  I guess these are the perils of cramming all of your last minute doctor appointments and tests into the end of the year because your deductible for the year was already met!  Amidst it all, I’m trying desperately to be my positive upbeat self and stay focused on the important things even though 2013 has been total chaos thus far.

All of that aside, as I’ve been praying about the new year and what God might want from me in 2013, I have been impressed with a couple of things.  The first thing is that I feel God is calling me to pray harder this year.  I’ve always been a prayer warrior but I can almost feel Him saying, “Put on your full armor…be prepared for battle.”  Being the encourager that I am, this seems a bit negative for me to have those thoughts.  I’ve really been struggling with that.  I kept praying and thinking, really?  Does He really want me to tell people this for 2013?  Maybe I’m just overwhelmed with our sickness and it’s really not going to be that bad.

The second thing impressed on my mind has become my prayer to God.  I told Him I want to go deeper with Him this year.  I want to know Him more intimately and speak His messages more clearly for others to come to know Him as well.   I know that of course by praying more I will automatically become closer to Him as I commune with Him each day.  Since 2013 has begun I am beginning to wonder if by going deeper with Him that I may also have to experience more pain.  You know the sayings… “No pain, no gain and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

Then the Bible reminds me in 1Peter 5:8-11 (NKJV) Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.  Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.  But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you…

I don’t want to bring a message of doom and gloom and say, “This year is going to stink!  I can feel it!”  However, I think God is telling us to pay attention.  Get on our knees and resist the evil that is roaring around us like a lion seeking to devour us.  There are also times when God uses our suffering and pain to draw us closer to Him.  The good news is there is hope in the suffering that when it is over we will be perfected, established, strengthened and settled according to His Word.

So I personally declare this year the year of prayer and vigilance for me.  I am putting on my full armor and it’s not coming off until my Lord takes me home.  Just a few closing thoughts for you to ponder…Nothing in this world is going to change without our vigilance in the battle and fervent prayer against the enemy.  Nothing in this world as evil as it may seem is too big for God to handle.  A world without prayer will continue to spiral out of control.  A world filled with prayer will someday be restored.  Will you join God’s praying army with me today and put on your full armor?  Are you willing to get into the battle and get a little dirty knowing that when it is over you will be blessed?  How is God speaking to you in 2013?  Be blessed and don’t forget…go be a blessing!

Posted on in 2012 Posts

Are the Holidays Over? Can I Come Out Now?

birthday candlesYou are probably wondering where I’ve been the last couple of weeks if you follow my blog on a regular basis.  A week ago Sunday I was one of those lucky ones who got a case of an ugly flu the week before Christmas.  Even though I was out of the game for the last 10 days, I’ve been reading everyone else’s blogs for the holidays between blowing my nose and taking my temperature.  Many were about depression, stress at the holidays, fighting with family, missing loved ones, etc.  Although they all offered good tips for surviving the season,  I was determined that if I were to write a Christmas blog, it was going to be happy.  Do you know how hard it is to come up with happy thoughts when you typically suffer from the holiday blues and then additionally can’t breathe, have a fever over 100 and haven’t been able to eat or sleep right in days?

However.  Things are different today.  We are almost through Christmas day and I think I’m going to survive!  It’s been a quiet day since we did most of our family get-togethers over the weekend so I’ve had a lot of time to reflect in between my naps.  As I reminisced about the holidays, I have a lot of fond memories of some great Christmases and then I remember some that were not so great too.   Then I thought, “How do you really measure whether a holiday was good or not?”

Then I was reminded gently once again.  It’s not about the ham or presents that measure a Christmas.  Jim and I were sitting around yesterday waiting to go to Christmas Eve service.  We were both talking about how no matter how horrible or wonderful our celebrations are at home there is something special about being with our church family as we enter into the celebration of our Savior’s birth.   I am especially blessed when our kids and grandkids choose to join us in that celebration.  It truly melts my heart as we sit there unified…as one family…worshipping the Reason for why we celebrate in the first place.

So today, I just simply want to focus and say, “Happy Birthday, Jesus.  Thank you for all that you have done for me and my loved ones.  Thank you for my family as well as my church family and friends.  Today, it is because of You we celebrate.  It is because of You we live.  It is because of You that we have hope.  It is because of You we have purpose.  I give my life to you all over again.  It’s not much but it is the greatest gift I can think to give to You on this special day.  Take me, fill me, use me in any way you see fit in 2013.  I love you, my dear precious, Savior.  Happy birthday.”

So as your celebrations wind down and all of the ornaments are once again packed away for another year, don’t lose focus.  Remember, it’s not about our celebrations but rather; it is about why we celebrate!  If you’re going to make a difference in the year ahead, it is going to depend on you.   Are you planning to spend your days wisely?  Do you have goals for 2013 with serving Jesus in the center of them?  If not, I would challenge you to refocus.  I would challenge you to devise a plan and put Jesus first every day in 2013.  Let’s get RADICAL for Jesus in the new year!  Won’t you join me?

Merry Christmas!

P.S.  For those of you who thought that my white elelphant gift was pretty nifty with all of the things it could do, I thought I’d break it to you gently that we used photoshop.  It is an old TV/DVD device that has seen its better days.  Most of the time it doesn’t even turn on!  Since I had so many questions and many were amazed at all it could do, I thought I’d share!  Too funny!  Love you all!  Thanks for keeping me laughing!

Here it is again for your enjoyment!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SlvcZrFjag