I apologize if you’ve missed my writings the last couple of weeks. I needed to take a break and rest amidst the storm. Cancer has a way of coming in and taking over your life with doctor visits, tests, treatments and all that goes along with it. I have had my days of utter despair and felt I wanted to walk away from it all. I have had times of great anger and fear to the point I didn’t even recognize myself. But through it all, I can now say, “Thank You, Lord, for putting this obstacle in my path to allow me to once again experience You.”
Through it all, I’ve developed a new respect for those I used to cheer on from the sidelines as they fought their cancer battles. Now I truly understand the depth of life change that is brought on by something totally out of your control. Speaking of control, God has been teaching me a new lesson. I’m not really a control freak like many I know. However, through this simple experience, God showed me that I tend to hang on more than I should. I think what I really learned is that I hold a lot of pride in being able to handle tough times and perhaps that pride is something I need to deal with within myself. Perhaps I have learned to be so strong that I forgot how God has carried me in the past. Frankly, I didn’t think there was anything that could come my way that could shake my world or cause me to fear anymore. That is…until cancer arrived at my doorstep.
I’m not saying it shook my world in a bad way like you might think though. It caused me to stop and re-evaluate my life–where I’ve been, what I’ve done, and even the big question, “What now?” This experience in my life reminded me that I am not the one calling the shots or controlling the outcome. I learned again, I am only strong with God in my life. If He’s not front and center in everything I do, I become weak. Some might say I’m just human. I agree.
I am having problems finding the words. Let’s do it this way. Let’s make it my top 10 list of things I’ve learned since my journey with this latest trial began.
- God has a plan for my life. My plan for myself is not always His.
- God is faithful to be there with me every step of the way when I invite Him along.
- God knows that when I struggle, I will learn to depend on Him more.
- God teaches those who are willing to learn, to praise Him even when life circumstances don’t seem worthy.
- The power that Jesus called on when He walked this earth is the same power that lives within you and I as believers and followers of Christ today.
- God knows that when I finally get to the end of me, He can then mold and form me into something more like Him.
- God understands our pain and fears and lovingly meets us where we are when we call on Him.
- God can heal disease miraculously, but doesn’t always choose to do it that way.
- God allows only that which He knows I can handle to come into my life…and when it does, He always provides a way out.
- There is nothing on this earth that I would trade for my relationship with Jesus.
Thank you so much for the prayers and encouragement each one of you has given me along this path. I am forever grateful for you all. God is Good–there is no doubt in my mind!
Psalm 145:17-21 (NIV)
The Lord is righteous in all his ways
and faithful in all he does.
The Lord is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.
My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever.